love stink

when is the time that i can tell him everything. everything bout how i feel. gees, i guess time will tell.
over and over again, things always happened the same way. I'm not sick and tired of you, but i just feel that there is something boundaries between us that makes us this way. if you have brain to think, then think properly and wisely. i know that you knew what kind of boundaries that I'm talking about. if you think that I'm not worth for it then just tell me. i will definitely walk away. rather hurt me now than later. I'm not being ego or whatsoever but you just cant accept for who i am now and treating you this way. i know we both got other things to worry about and all. i do understand that but do you? you want me to be around then show it to me that you really are and i do too still want you around. yes, what we are facing right now is making things complicated. is it just me or you or us? i know we both struggling financially and emotionally and what we want is to pleased our parents. why cant we go thru this together again? if we can get go thru that shit together why not this? and i admit that I'm fucking miss you and love you too, sincerely. I'm not avoiding you but i just want to make you learn your lesson. it also giving you the space for you to think and settle up your problems cause i just don't want to add you up more burden. when i look back thru the pictures that we taken before, i really do miss those days. yes during those times, we did had fun together and no one disturbed us but sometimes yes. and it really annoyed me so much. ive been patient for long time and dont let it reach to the limit. but i bet you wouldn't care how i feel. no matter how much you trying to pleased me bout it, bedek urh i dont feel anything. afterall i am a human, a human being who have feelings. I'm not a girl anymore but yet I'm a women now. if you wish to fool or toy me around, i guess you get the wrong person. why wouldn't i think that you fooling me around unless you prove it to me that you aren't. dont leave me hanging at the end of the day or alot of question marks on top of my head. cause it really feel so sucky and ouch! honestly speaking, i just scared of losing you. you alweady complete me. thats all i can say.

i know it feels like shits to be this way and it feel sucky that i treating you this way. I'm not on a revenge or playing game back on you but i just want you to learn your lesson and feel how i felt before. it really makes me more sucky to treating you like this now, you know! I'm not another girl/women that you know at outside. grr! when can i have a purity and sincerity. like what i mansion before, "give me a reason to love you, give me a reason to be, a women, I just wanna be a women."
like what a friend of mine said, time will tell.
=)



AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, I DO STILL STILL REMEMBERR OF MY DDF. AND IM FUCKING MISS YOU LAH WANEE!!! WANEE, THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I FORGET YOU, HOR. I JUST HAVE ALOT OF THINGS INSIDE MY HEAD. DO TEXT ASAP AITE!!! WHEN CAN WE 3 GO OUT TOGETHER? U'VE BEEN MIA FROM US SIA!!!!

am i such a fool for you?

today is my lazybum day and it was a windy rainy weather and it was the best time to sleep peacefully. ahahaha. i lazy to go out of Tampines even Taufiq wanna meet me oso, i lazy. sorry dude but im just too lazy to go out far. Me and Ika decided to go for swimming but due to the weather, we canceled. instead we went to Tampines Mall to buy donuts. both were craving to eat that. ahaha. then we went to Mr Prata having out dinner there. ouhk im being random right now.
and FYI, today i went home early. cey cey cey. ahahah. ouhk, lame!


hmm all i wanna say is that, im happy for what i have now. happy that i was able to be there for my family when in time of needs. happy that friends were there for me when i feel so blue. eventho shits do happen sometimes, i just cant be bother. its not that i lazy to entertain or what but i just feel useless. i dont see any point of me being someone's shadow. im sick and tired of it and it tearing me apart. why cant others be my shadow instead. hmm just let it be lah. i lazy to talk or think bout this. i have other better things to think off. am i such a fool for you?


PS: It is more intricate than it seems. && IM FUCKING MISS LIA ALOT! I MISS HER KISSY AND HUGGIES.

Lucky day for me

Yeah at last i get my dream phone that i wanted so much. Iphone! woohoo! dad brought for me and he spent another $110 at Cotton On on me and sis in law. its a family outing and we bring Quraisha along. grr daddy carried her all the way without me having a chance to carry her. i felt so lucky today eventho starting of the day i felt abit sucky. but who cares, i don't give a damn. yesterday i went to sleepover at Taufiq's place after we went to town to meet Lylie, Fir, Ika and her Boyfriend. i had a bad feeling before i went to bed and it really bother me alot. but by looking at Taufiq sleeping, i fall asleep. the next day when I'm otw home, mommy called me if i wanna tag her along with daddy to Afghan. had lunch with them and we walked slowly to Tamp Mart. brought Microwave, water boiler(if I'm not wrong), blender and vacuum. then went home after that to pray first, and off we went to Tamp Mall. wooo, today everyone get to shop.

BTW, my horoscopes says that :
Libra: The sky is the limit today! You can have almost anything you want, if you go after it.
AND fcuking true lah! i get Iphone babey!


PS: im nearly there to my limit. and give me a reason to love you, give me a reason to be, a women, I just wanna be a women. AND LASTLY, Didi said to me that aku kuat stress. betol ker?

SIAL

EHK SIAL LAH! WTF SIA! BLOODY FUCKING ASSHOLE! SUCH A SICK IN THE ASS! AND SUCH A SICK IN THE BRAIN!

unsecure

its 6.32 in the morning but yet im still awake. i cant sleep eventho i did tried. from one to another one burden and it started to grow like a mountain. what should i do now? i cant run away from it. remember, i alweady started on my new life. i have to accept the facts and im gonna face any outcome and consequences in order to settle it up. no point of telling my problems cause you yourself cant do anything but just open up your ears to listen and i dont any point of doing that. so i just cant be bother to share to anyone. sorry. dont bother to ask me aite. =)

as we grow older, the more problems appear and stress out. grr! if only there is a time machine, i wanna turn back time when i was still a kid or even better, baby. no need to stress and just be happy or cry. ahahaha.

due to my old xanga, i did mention bout something. once again i did it again eventho i didnt realise it till now. been thinking lately and get migrain after that. yes i slip it again. my only chance. why am i being such a clumsy and silly? eventho it just right infront of my eyes. sorry abg mimi, i broke your promised and i regret of doing it. seriously i didnt realise and now i know how much it meant to me. can i turn back time and undo what i did before? hmm i guess whats done cannot be undone. i just need to bare the pain and stand strong. OUCH! but that doesnt mean i give up on everything. i just need fresh air to breathe and relax my mind. man seriously i need a job right now. i need to make myself busy and to stop thinking of it for awhile. damn, history started to repeat back. hate it!

another bad day

another bad news for me. my god father also admitted at hospital. same day as my dad and now it make me double the worries. i went to hospital just now to visit both of them and i hugged my god father and i nearly wanna cried. i miss him alot lah as its been so long i never meet him. i tot of meeting Taufiq today after visiting them but time ran so fast and i need to be there for my mom. eventho she put on a fake smile but i know deep inside her, she scared and worried. i can tell.
for now i shall put my problems aside first as i need to be there for my dad and family. lets just pray hard to them that nothing will happen and get well soon aite, insyallah. the result haven come yet and the doctor said most probably that daddy need to go for another survery AGAIN. this time round i need to stand strong. all of my family member do too. its his 2nd time if he go for the survery and this is his forth time get heart attack. omg, how am i gonna deal with the result and outcome? tell me about it.
=(

2 news

i received 2 news of good and bad in 1 same day.
such a shocking to me but i have to accept the fact.

ouhk let me mention the good news first. the thing that gonna ruin my future had settled alweady. before i get to know bout that news, my heartbeat pumped so fast and i felt something gonna happen. and yes it was. something good that make me and Taufiq jumped around like a monkey, laughed out loud and smiled very widely. yeah 1 burden has strike off. and I'm so fucking glad of that and i promise, no more shits that gonna do with that. mark my word. let it be a lesson to learn, not only for me but for other too. think before you wanna do something aite.
=)

And the bad news is, my dad was admitted at hospital just now. heart attack strikes back! i received a call from sister in law when i was with Taufiq at Suntec. so i rushed down to CGH alone. in the train i was about to cry but i controlled it. as there alot of people in the train. while talking to friend in the phone accompany me talked and consoled me. damn the swine flu cause i need to register something in order to get in the hospital and the queue was quite long eventho it was at around 9+pm. then have to wear the mouth mask. ahahaha! waited for dad for 3hrs 3omins till he was admitted to wards. I'm sitting alone outside the accident and emergency room while mom was inside with dad. till i fall asleep for awhile and in order for me not to sleep due to my lack of sleeping, Didi and Lylie called me, accompany me talked all the way. eventho i was expecting someone to be there for me when I'm feel blue but nothing show up. nah i don't really looking forward for that but as long as I'm there for that person lorh. hmm. nearly 1am dad was send to his bed and we accompanied him for awhile. its been so long i never kiss him at his forehead and i did before we went off back home. aww dad kissed me on my cheek. ~ i hope nothing gonna happen ouhk abah, insyallah you get well soon. ~

Goals?

i just don't understand whats going on with my surrounding. alot of dramatic and pathetic. please stop all that bullshits can? after 1 burden to another. and how i wish they know how i feel right now. i just don't understand whats in their mind. are they being such a attention seeker or what? damn! let stop talking bout this. such a inmature. huahahah!


i hate my life right now. I'm not schooling and working. i only depend on my family for money each time and i don't see myself earning something whenever i go out. man, i need a job so badly. and after went to alot of jobs interview, non of it call me back. its just not my luck lah. I'm so bored and restless at home. I'm deadly rotten. ahaha. and every of my friends are busy with schooling and working while me myself shake legs at home. WTF?! gees, i know. tell me about it. seriously i need to achieve every of my goals and fulfill it.

Goals:
1. continue study at Poly
2. find a job
3. piano lesson
4. bike license
5. to be with him back
6. settle up the case

that is all for now. i need to get a life man. i need to find it no matter what. i wont give up on my goals. seriously, I'm sick and tired listening to them for finding a job when me myself am finding one. omg each day i become more useless and lame. god please help...

its 7.43 in the morning and i just reached home. i cant sleep and i don't even feel sleepy at all. so here i am decided to update. my ite classmate decided to have a gathering and we met each other at Raffles. as me and Bear are the only people who stay at east side, we planned to go there together. i waited for him at Tampines interchange for nearly 1 hour so i decided to go to Tampines Mall alone and walk around to find something for Boyfriend. and i saw a cute lil black and white cat. so i grabbed it and i get a small green and white bear for free. woohoo! took train and off we went to Raffles to meet the rest. we walked to Boyfriend work place and passed the present to him by saying sorry. Lylie and Fir called me, asking a favour to piece their smiley. and i did. ohh my by piercing and looking at their new piercing, it really makes me want to pierce it too. i just love body arts so much esp body piercing. it just my interest and my hobby to pierce for people. so friends, feel free to ask me to pierce for you guys aite. don't worry I'm kinda "expert" in that. ahahaha.


had our dinner at MacDonald and we brought few bottle of liquor and drank at Boat Quey. tot of not drinking cause its been a month i never drink. but something inside me tells me to drink and i have the urge. drank with them till Azim got drunk. Zul, off to work and out of blue moon, they planned to go club. but before that i got that 50/50 thinking of not going to club instead. i just felt bad when it came to this situation bout me and Boyfriend, i went to club to enjoy myself while actually he himself is in a red mood. I've let them to go in first and i sat by the river alone. Farhana came out and she pulled me all the way to the club but actually i don't want too. i told her that you guys have fun first inside ouhk and i will be waiting outside till you guys are done but no, all of them went out to accompany me instead. thank god the entry fee was free and they brought more drinks. how nice are they and i feel so touch man! aww! ahaha. i just don't have the mood to party lorh. Silly Alep for making me lolol all the way and went both of us meet each other, we tend to be crazy and do jackass together. look at him makes me more lolol with his botak head. Among all of them Don and Ban knew me best and they are very closed to me so they asked me if there is something bothers me? and i keep denied. even how much i lied to them, they will know that. i shall not talk bout what we had in our conversation here. kinda privacy. so back to the story, we let Azim slept for awhile and the rest continue drinking and chilled till first train. my class reunion was fun and only among us know something that other wont know how much we feel and enjoy ourself. with a house music as our background and all start to dance like mad cow. ahahaha! so here i am in front of my pc, typing. ahaha.

i stayed up the whole day at home, cleaned up my room and watched Naruto. such a tiring day thou as brother asked me to clean up the room and he gonna pay me for that. woohoo! rather than i just doing nothing rotting till death at home. at night, Ika text me that she wanna come over to my place to join me watch that anime and had our normal routine at my place. after midnight, we went to a nearby shop to meet Alex. i tot of having roti naan at mr prata for my supper but ending up i had a prata cheese mushroom and french fries. out of nowhere, we had this idea of jogging and excersice. and yes we did, we went home and changed and we met up back under my voide deck as all of us stay near to each other. we jogged 3 rounds of Dunman Sec Sch and we stopped at the fitness corner. damn Alex for not jogging with us, he cycled. grr! take a break before we went back home. slack for awhile and i receive a message from Boyfriend. that makes me felt pissed and no mood. so i decided to go home and take a bath and on my pc.


for the past few weeks, i didnt get a chance to chat with a friend of mine from German, San. had a long chit chat and im so fcking miss her lah. another 6 more weeks for her to come here and i cant wait for the day to come. weee!


Her: today at work,when i finished working n wanted to go home again. i saw a guy n i swear he looked like taufiq!!! i was like O_O
Me: huh?! serious?! omg!!!
Her: n he was looking at me noticing that im looking at him like he's from outter space. lolol but i think he watched me first. yeah serious!! i was like "is shid near?" ahahaa
Me: ahaha. awww! u remeber me eventho we seldom chat. so sweet of u...
Her: yeah sure i always remember you beb! sometimes they say in loud speaker "passengers booked on singapore airlines blahblah...." then i always smile n im like "hey, i wanna be on that plane too" n i always think bout you! i swear!


awww, isnt that sweet of her. i swear i love her alot lah and i really cant wait for her to come here and hug her tight tight! you know, eventho we are far from distance, she will always there for me when i feel ups and downs. cheer me up and make me lolol till my brother have to shut me up. ahaha. i just miss chatting with her and her Boyfriend but lately the 3 of us are busy with working and schooling. so i dont mind as long as the 3 of us still remember and think bout each other. come here soon aite babe!



What's done is done.what's done cannot be undone.No use crying over a spilt milk if he thinks that i cheated on him or whatsoever,then be it.Not even explaination can ever change his mind. Well, i admit that it was my mistake. But then, what happened was neither plan nor intentionally.At least i have 'those people' to understand me.Thank you.Despite it didn't help me much,at least i know that you care love and you exist in my life. i know now its gonna be difficult for you to trust me but im gonna prove to you and gain your trust back no matter what. i dont care what other people wanna say as long as im happy and i can manage to save this relationship. im sick and tired of the same old shits that happened to me before i met Boyfriend. from there i learn my mistake for not saving it and followed my ego. for not letting the history to repeat back, i will do whatever to solve the missing puzzle and fix it back.
Dear Taufiq,i bet you are so disappointed in me. I have tried my best and now i fail.
:(

Another sunny day...

Yesterday me and Boyfriend tot of going to library after work. but due to something he asked me to go to his work place while waiting for him to return back and Nas served me egg mayo wrap with a bashberry (its a healthy food with full of veg). delicious babe! i swear for my very 1st time i ate different kind of vegetable just like that and its taste nice. after return with his boss along, we chilled there for awhile. talked talked talked. then we walked slowly to Marina Square and we played arcade while waiting for Wan and Aisha to arrive. pity him cause he need to return back to JB and he didn't get to extend his date for staying here. hmm kinda miss him thou. when to the rooftop and we played Rest again. wah now everyone of us get addicted to that game already. ahaha. damn Din for teaching us this game lah! ahaha. at around 9+ Wan have to go back home to take his beg and stuffs and off he went to JB with Aisha sending him to the bus station at Bugis. Me and Boyfriend decided to go back to his place to take the Naruto cds as i need to refresh back the show. grr! then chilled out for awhile and off i went back to Tampines and met Ika at Mr Prata. had my wonderful supper and we went back to my place. we watched Naruto together and now Ika addicted to that show alweady. woohoo! she went back home at around 4am and im so worried that brother haven reached home yet so i waited for him till 5.30am.
so that all for yesterday. nothing much to write but what i can say is i had a great day with Boyfriend and i love him more and more everyday cause his my lil Angus...
=)

Trip to JB and Kota Tinggi

I just came back from Johor Bahru with Boyfried, Wan and Aisha. it was a last minute plan as we were at Bugis on last Sunday. Wan talked and discussed to us and we decided to follow them so both of us were rushing home and took our passport and stuffs. Wan accompanied Boyfriend while Aisha accompanied me. we took the last bus to meet the guys back at Bugis and off we took cab to JB. Reached there at around 12+ and we walked slowly to Benafe to grab out supper. OMG it really doesn't helped me at all lah eating there cause im still hungry! ahaha. fatty me! then me we took cab to go to Wan's place. settle down our stuffs and washed up. at last i get t meet Scha as both of us really dying to meet each other, talked to her for awhile before she went to club and i went to kedai mamak to grab some snacks for me to chew.

The next day we woke up in the morning to get prepared for our Kota Tinggi trip. mandi air terjun babe! with another 2 of Wan's friends. went there by car and all of really cant wait lah. never been there before so i can get easily excited. omg i just love the surrounding the nature and green everywhere. and all of us off to the waterfall and started to swim. damn, fishes are all over and they bite my leg. eeeww felt so disgusting but hack care lah. the water is so damn cold till Boyfriend shivering and he lost his earring. hmm what else i can say urh... but what i know i did had fun at Kota tinggi. on the way home, everyone were sleeping in the car and left the driver, Din awake. pity him. had our dinner and off we went home. At night, we went to eat burger at Tikus's shop and chilled with him and his Girlfriend. FYI, i have friends at Malaysia. so that answer your question. then we went to riding with Din and he bring us around the Johor Bahru. as Spore we tend to play Taite right, over there they teach us how to play Rest. i swear it was so damn fun and funny. who lose have to wear a dusty spoiled ugly helmet and i did, once! Wan had to wear 3 times while Boyfriend, none. not fair man! pfft! ahaha.

then next day, i woke them up and get showered and packed our stuffs. Wan's brother in law came and he fetched us back to Spore along with his wife. went to Pasir ris pasar malam to send some stuffs while the rest of us took free food from the stall and off to Eunos and chilled at Wan's place. FYI, Wan have 2 houses. 1 in Spore and the other 1 is at JB. so that answer your question again. we went down to throw all the unused toys and we play this scotter. i donnoe what is it called and it was fun lah. i donnoe how to elaborate as im tired right now. so i'll let the picture do the talking.

ouhk i have this hilarious pictures taken by Boyfriend.
Wan is the model. so enjoy the pics.





Pictures at JB