poeple who disagree on your changes.

i just encounter another situation whereby people whom disagree about your life and your circumstances. why do some people has to say or react in a way that they cant accept the changes in you, changing into someone better and benefit. isn't that is what every person is looking forward for?

for an example, the prisoners were given a yellow ribbon from the outsiders which they believe that they can change and given another chance in life. so in general, if bad people can change into a good or a better person, why cant others give them a chance to let them roll and live. I'm not trying to say in other terms. i know its kinda confusing but try to get what i mean.

i know that i do behave and react nonsense in the past but at least I'm not as bad as what you expected. i am a grown up person now who thinks about my future, my goals and my achievement. why cant they let us be happy, or stop making our life miserable and leave it hanging lose? it's already bottles up too much that, its overcome, hurts that person, or indirectly towards the other. its not like I'm being a paranoia but just felt insecure and unappreciated.

i'll give you a sitaution. what if you look upon a person which you took him as a example, a good adviser and whom wakes you up on your long sleep but ending up, it fall into the drain. how does it feels like to be left alone and leave it hanging lose. disappointed ain't it? the best out of it is actually,... think. THINK AND FEEL(here i go again). why do you need to have doubt on the person where you know it from your heart that they has change into someone better. where is the faith all gone to, into the drain too i guess. all you believe was, is she really change for the time being or is it for real. now you tell me about it.


i guess i am getting further far away from the truth. or was i?

life of fantasy

life is full of fantasy or should i say, fairytale. everyone will encounter the same shit but in a different kind of way. somehow our ups and downs will encircle by its own. after knowing and observing others, i realise that they were just blinded by the people who is being cared and loved, the people who is standing right in front of you. those people which is not important tend to be standing beside you with open hands and along with their main purpose on it. acting or being like a ignorance. they can be as evil as you can't imagine. how evil can they be without feeling any guilty nor hard feelings. confusing ain't it? somehow on the other hand, they started to fade away from us and disappear after we realise. within it we felt regret and neglected.

summarising, I'm stress and I'm still searching and figure out something that is rushing through my ditsy mind which felt so uneasy and insecure. i don't know why but i just felt that way. if only i have a chance to rewind it back, but then again like i say before my consciousness gets over me. i still cant figure it out what was happening in me even thought i sought it through again. i was sure i was kinda frustrated for some unknown reasons which indescribable. am i thinking too much on my soul searching? i guess so. is it wrong for me to idle around and get myself trouble with everything that's in my mind? I'm just scared that I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere. in the beginning, where should i start? seriously, I'm lost and puzzled. only god knows how i felt right now and no one else could. I'm saved from the undesirable. Furthermore I'm still idle around even though i have my wonderful bestfriend. I'm glad that she's still standing strong right in front of me and who believe and have faith in me. girl, i love you like loads =)

guess, i am still way far from the truth.

seesha

I went to study with Taufiq at National Library, but unfortunately, Lylie and her date, Azhar tag along. i really couldn't concentrate that much as they were making noises and web-caming among them but they did do their project and read comics though. our stomach started to make noises and trembled, so we went off to have our dinner at Tong Seng instead. then we headed to the shopping mall and went to take a look at the bag that we wanted to buy and off we went to Arab Street for seesha. they went home at ard 11 plus while me and Taufiq still wondered around on where to go next. so we decided to drop by his place and get booze-ing. haha! thats it for today. nothing much. =)

middle of nowhere

Anyways, it's been a month since school open. i'm tired + always been sleepy. i have many things to cover, due to next week i have many quiz, lab tests and A Maths tests coming up! goshh... and guess what, just now i just did one of the class test and i did badly for Domain and Range cause i was concentrated more on the Functions and Graphs but overall i did it with satisfaction. i hope i did well for this paper. *InsyaAllah*

- 2 Quiz
- 3 test papers of A-Math
- NX5 3d project
- Business Engineering project and presentation
- Research on object for my 3d model

Oh there you go, a list of things i need to do. and not to forget my programming tutorial which kinda confusing at times. Oh well, i hope i can cope all this in few weeks time. My batt is on 12/12, i think I'm overloaded with knowledge. haha.


~~
okay lets stop talking about school and more about what had happened around me lately. eversince that incident crashed into my ditsy mind, i've never been stop thinking about it. i've experienced quite a number of things in life, sometimes, it doesnt feel right. somewhere... within... i've sought some things through, with my ownself, i wasn't sure what was happening in me. i was sure i was kinda, .. let's say frustrated for some unknown reasons. if it ever gets overboard, i don't even know if i still have the chance to rewind it back again. but then again, my consciousness gets over me. i'm saved from the undesirable. i admit, i do make mistakes, i'm a human afterall. but, those mistakes makes you think back, and realise what's the truth behind it. i wasn't sure of what's love. it's sure a big word to able to describe in a way or another. most importantly, to love myself before i love others. sometimes, you ponder upon your past that was never yours. it was just, perhaps, a test? this seems formal, lol, hmm.. basically, i've known so much in life since i'm in poly and step back and walked away from my outside world. the ups and downs, those who actually trusted you or even used you. none would believe, or does believe, or just barely believe. none feels the way i felt. the way of my everyday life in poly. the way i had to stand up on my own feet and tried my very best. the way how the people would think about me but in the end acknowledge me of myself. knowing that something about me that just won't fit into the public, but i tried my very best to show them what i can be by my own. yet i've achieved something for myself. ^_^

Not back to myself, but yet into someone better.
In life God doesn't give you the people you want. Instead, He gives you the people you need. To teach you, to hurt you, to love you, and make you exactly the way you should be.
Guess, i'm still far away from truth. or was i?

PS: to my dearest lylie, you are most welcome. sometimes we do need that kind of talks. what a bestfriend is for. afterall, after talking to you, i do felt abit relief. and thanks for the advice. don't you ever worry that im gonna leave you. you are a friend that i most treasure and love alot! =)

freaky saturday

On Sunday, i went to Lasalle with Khai and Eric to watch this performance called, Siren - A Contemporary Cabaret. oh my i still do remember when was the last time i went to watch a musical, like 4 years back. let me elaborate more about the show. Siren brings you an evening of sea tales and contemporary song in a relaxed cabaret setting. For centuries explorers, refugees and travelers have been lured by mystical sirens into liquid love affairs with the ocean. Some sail safely to new horizons with dreams of new homelands fulfilled, while others mysteriously perish.
so in general, i gave them thumbs up for the performance and the musical is awesome! thanks guys for inviting me and i like it alot. do invite me when there is another musical aite.

Saturday's Chalet

okay, firstly my Saturday turned out to be yucky and disgraceful. i didn't expected that things gonna be worst and disaster. i went to Kid's chalet as its been so long last i met them and surprisingly Mac and Dudd were there. so i thought of going there to chill. at first things went so great till someone make me pissed and totally a turn off on him. his stink and his behaving like a small kid and i swear his stupid pathetic "god brother" called me and saying stupid stuffs but yet still i talked to him in a nice way. whats wrong with people nowadays, when someone talk in a good manner yet they has to respond in a unhealthy way. disrespectful. so the "matreps" arrg! due to that i cabbed back home at around 2 am. sorry guys, that i left just like that and sorry bout the incident. i never ask for it, i swear. I'm so shy to meet you guys again. seriously. and thanks for the that day.

a change in me perhaps?

its been a while for not updating my blog and i think now is the time to do it as this is the only free time that i have. as you can see, I've been busy studying and i need to concentrate on it as my up coming quiz and class test is coming soon! its a good thing that I'm busy with something good rather than just rotting outside doing nothing. I'm glad that i choose a right path of my life, to further up my study. i wanna share a great news. daddy just brought for me a lappy for school stuffs and i was shocked that he gave me a fully support. thanks abah i love you like loads! okay i wanna share another thing and let it out that rushing through my disty mind.

Have you ever wonder why sometimes your in a tight situation? Nobody, not even a soul could actually feels what you felt. Everyone has its own kind of emotions rushing through & forth like a never ending tale but, what happens if it bottles up too much that, its overcome, hurts that person, or even indirectly towards the other. It's not like i'm being a paranoia but, then again, a blog is to be written what the blogger has to say. Be it, emotionally, or criticism. It's a freedom of speech though, some might think it's a weak movement but do they really know whats actually gushed through my disty brain?

At times, my core of mine do say some things that actually doesn't make any sense till i embraced it in a way or another. It seems like i'm unable to understand some things that's happening, it makes me confuse yet making me stronger. You would rather approach a case by case basis or making it a clear cut? This sounds confusing ain't it? Okay, i'm laughing at myself now. If you agreed, how sensible. I'm not just stating out some 'unpredictable insights' but, toying around with what's in my mind. Get the idea? Guess, it's rather slim.

I'll give you a situation. you're stuck with your own credibility of both finest thoughts & emotions, also actions and patience do speak on it's own. The best out of it, you could actually, .. think. THINK AND FEEL. It encircle you with different positions, be it a view, still within it, there would be couple of it gushed through your spine like never before. All you believe was, is this what you call life? therefore, i'm done with my confusion state. no more thinking about what had happened and i choose the right decision that i made. the only thing that i have to do now is to buck up on myself, i mean i need to change everything that i roll and behave. no more being cheeky and stuffs. okay i do admit that. gees! I'm doing all that, just not for the sake of someone but to myself also. i cant lie to myself no more. i need to do some soul searching. im taking about my future now. time is clicking so fast and as days goes by, we are getting older. till when am i gonna be like this. i need time to change and time will tell. i really hope that the loved one and my bestfriend support me. InsyaAllah.
~~ DDF, tell me who doesn't want to see a change in me? tell me about it ~~

sch & town

today school was okay. the lesson doesn't bore me but yet i manage to complete every mini projects early as what i expected. so Zul and i decided to take a smoke break instead. continued and move on to another project and yet again we ended so quick. our computers shut down at 9pm while the others were still struggling. i took train to town to meet Alep and had our dinner at KFC while waiting for Taufiq, end's his work. we chilled and planning on what to do next, and Alep kept pasturing us to go to Tampines to meet Wan and Ika for our supper. its been quite sometime last i had my supper outside with friends. had a rojak mama, shared with Taufiq. all of us were bloated and we decided to take a break and relax near to my estate. at around 4am me and Taufiq walked slowly to my block and sit opposite it. we had a long chit chat and some agreements. now to make things easier for us, we have to understand each other. and this is what we are doing right now. you must be wondering why am i still awake and blog during this hour. the reason is, today i got NO class. woohoo! but at night i have to study as tomorrow i have class quiz. too bad for me then. =(

stupid mat2 posing!

confusion

i didn't expected that things went differently, not to the path where it should be. i don't know why out of sudden i started to think of him back. something hunts on me somehow. i assume that there is something hanging lose on me and neither do i. whether it is a good or a bad thing. am i weak, disappointing or inglorious conclusion type of person? I'm not sure if what i am doing right now is the right thing to do. did he really mean what he say to me or just a fake fairytale that he create? tell me about it. he know me very well, he know how i roll and he can sense if there is something wrong happen to me. i do feel insecure at time but i told myself not to take it hard. i do sense it somehow and the soul is still in me. am i suppose to blog about this? yes, somehow i need to let it out. i can't keep it to myself any longer. im not suppose to say all this. what will kamal feel if he read this out. i have to stop hurting people and this time round, neither do i want to hurt both of them. I'm full of mysterious actions and thoughts or am i a fickle minded then. he know that he have the key to open up my heart back, but im scared of him. scared that history will repeat back. we cant accept with our own life style and to solve that we have to adapt with one another. im sorry if this shit happen again. i did it once and now, twice. i have to stop my nonsense. give me time to think all over again, will do. can we really cope with each other and change? what i realise that we have to be just in our own world only. no other people but bestfriend will do. jealously is what we are. so that lead the answer to the question. can we really compromise and an commitment in this? only god know how i feel right now. full of questions, confusion and naive. on the other hand, how about kamal? kamal been treating me in a nice way. where every girls dream to have a Boyfriend like him. i did told him about this and im glad that he understand me and letting me to do decision without him doing nothing but hoping that nothing bad gonna happen. see, how manly is he. i know the decision is in my hand but i really don't know what to do. god please help me out in this. to be honest, with my life like this, i should just concentrate on my studies and not relationship wise. why must i face this shit again. cause i'm the one who create this. sometime i just feel that im having a split personality and that is not healthy. it's killing me everyday. i cant think straight. i cant concentrate on doing things. im having nightmares. feeling sucky when i wake up and i feel like stuffing myself with food and ice cream. In life God doesn't give you the people you want. Instead, He gives you the people you need. To teach you, to hurt you, to love you, and make you exactly the way you should be.

Picture

The day when Lia was in Singapore and along with Ken, Alip and Taufiq.

Boy's day out to bar with me along.

Happy Halloween!